glitter and ink

mexico photo diary part 3

2012-02-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

Here is the final batch of pictures from our Mexico trip. Despite the unseasonably warm (for Toronto) weather we've been having, I still find myself longing for the sun. Not winter sun, dulled by a thick layer of low-hanging clouds, casting grey-blue light on our grey-blue city, but real sun...the kind that freckles your skin and pools dampness in the curve of your lower back and makes you want to get out of bed in the morning to go find an adventure. The days are too short and winter is too long. And it's not really fun getting dressed when you have to wear a parka and Sorel's over whatever you put on.

So yes, I miss Mexico. Even though we weren't there for very long, it seemed like we saw and did a lot. There are great things about all-inclusive resort vacations (bottomless pina coladas anyone?) but I think next time I go to Mexico I'll do something different; rent a little condo or stay at a small hotel or B&B. We barely spent any time on the resort anyway, there was just so much else to discover.

While we were there I thought about how easy it is to forget the joy of travel when you are sedimented in your regular routine, at least for me. But I really do love traveling, and I need to remind myself to make it a priority in my life I think. So much world to see...

mexico photo diary part two

2012-01-24T15:16:00.000-08:00

I wish I had more time right now to write about how amazing our boat ride to Isla Mujeres was, but unfortunately it will have to wait. Photos here taken on the boat, the island, Puerto Morelos and Playa Del Carmen.

mexico photo diary part one

2012-01-17T20:56:00.000-08:00

Here's the first batch of photos from our trip to Mexico, taken in and around Puerto Morelos. I have to say I'm sad to be back to living through Ontario winter. Everything just feels easier when the sun is shining doesn't it? And getting dressed is way more fun. Lots more photos to come very soon!

greetings from mexico!

2012-01-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

Thought I would take a quick break from the glorious sun to post a couple of pictures of where we're spending our week. Yesterday we strolled down the beach to the little seaside village of Puerto Morelos and ate the freshest, brightest, most beautiful seafood on the patio of a restaurant overlooking the ocean. There is always a perfect breeze off the water here, and it smells like coconut and lime, sunscreen and sea salt, and that smell of green things growing that is so easily forgotten in the grim sleep of winter. Everything is sort of slow and dozy, edged with a little lingering tequila buzz, and all around is a dreamscape of the lushest colours. I wanted to wrap myself in the colours of the sky and ocean in the picture above and take them back with me to Toronto to help pull me through the rest of the winter... Tomorrow we're going to go into Cancun to go snorkeling and take a catamaran to Isla De Mujeres. I want to stay here forever, swimming in the ocean, eating shrimp tacos and drinking margaritas. Pure bliss.

december

2012-01-04T11:03:00.000-08:00

First snow. The spot where the best live music in Toronto happens. French toast at my favourite brunch spot. Proof that I'm Canadian : thrifted 90's Northern Reflections sweater. Lights. Sparkles. Bits of Christmas. Shopping at the St. Lawrence Market (specifically, buying the most delicious mustard in the whole wide world). In case you needed more proof that I'm Canadian: thrifted 90's Northern Reflections sweater + furry hat. Snowy streets in my hometown.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Aaron and I are off to Puerto Morelos in the Mayan Riviera on friday. Lots of sunny holiday pics to come! Hope everyone had a lovely holiday.

lucky ones are we all till it is over

2011-11-22T11:59:00.000-08:00

Pendants cast out of bullet casings, from the Melrose Flea Market. T-shirt made by an amazing artist friend of mine (you can find him HERE), skirt and leggings - TNA. Sweaters - Talula, thrifted. Oatmeal cookies. New Hair.

So my hair was super super damaged from bleaching and heat styling. I kind of wish I had before and after pics, but trust me when I say it was mangled. My poor hair was so stressed that it had lost a lot of its natural wave. It also had some residue of purple dye that I had put in, which was never really the colour I wanted it to be (it ended up more dark plumy than the purple I had in the summer), and wouldn't fade out. So I went to see the ever lovely Suzzi at Parlour and she snipped it and put some magical concoction on it, which took out most of the purple (it's now even blonder than in these pictures...but more caramel-y than it was before.) Even though I'm sad to have lost the length, since I've been growing out my hair (from very short) for 4 years now, I'm happy that it's healthy again.

I also started using these two products below. One is Ojon restorative hair treatment, which you can get at Sephora. I've been putting it in my hair about once a week, an hour or so before I'm going to have a shower and just leaving it to sit, then washing it out. I know that no product can really fix your hair internally once it's damaged, but damn, this stuff makes a crazy difference. Probably the most dramatic results of any hair product I've ever used. Even after the cut my hair was still dry and I had a lot of split ends. This stuff really smoothed out my ends and made my hair nice and shiny and healthy-looking again. The other product is the Nexxus Pro-Mend, which I put on my ends while my hair is still damp (they sell it at Shoppers, the big Canadian drug strore chain...I'm sure they carry it at Walgreens and CVS in the states too). It's a bit sticky, and more like a cream than an oil, but I find it works better than any oil I've tried in terms of making my ends nice and soft and not scraggly-looking after my hair has dried. Anyway, there you have it! I never really talk about beauty products on this blog, because honestly, I'm not crazy into them, but I do really like it when I find something that actually works for me!

borrowed

2011-11-14T09:54:00.000-08:00

Strange that it was only very recently that it occurred to me that I can actually wear my boyfriend's clothes...turns out there's a whole untapped treasure trove of plaid flannel button-downs, perfectly worn t-shirts, and snuggly grandpa sweaters just waiting for me on the other side of the closet!

All I want to do is cover myself in many layers of the softest, warmest fabrics I can get my hands on, eat bowls of homemade soup, roasted root vegetables and winter greens, maybe some mac and cheese, listen to country music, and take pictures. But sadly the end of the term is drawing ever closer, and that means what I'm really doing is staring at a computer screen for hours on top of hours until my eyeballs plead for mercy, and not really sleeping very much at all. I'm trying to find ways to relax when I can wrangle bits of time here and there from my nutso schedule. Yoga in the living room is good. And backrubs. Also, Starbucks' soy gingerbread lattes have been making me pretty happy lately. What do you do to chill out when life gets super hectic and you don't have a lot of free time?

so much fall

2011-11-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

Here's a whole lot of photos that had pilled up from the past two months (sorry for the overload!) Just some of the things that have made the colder weather enjoyable: cozy sweaters, scarves, jackets and boots, watching the leaves change colour out in the country, walks in the woods, lots of cooking, and lots of reading. And of course, snuggling up with my honey. Oh, and this amazing new brunch place we discovered that has delicious hot apple cider and pretty lights in the window. Happy November :)

witchy

2011-11-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a fun Halloween! I was so busy with schoolwork that I didn't even dress up and go out over the weekend. It was the first time I haven't dressed up for Halloween. I'm kind of sad about it, but figure I'll make up for it next year. I did however, dress in an appropriately witchy outfit yesterday for the official day, and went over to some friends' house to hand out candy, eat pizza, and sit around the table drinking wine by the light of little jack-o-lanterns, talking politics and getting rowdy late into the night.

I found this funny velvet cardigan in a five dollar sale bin at the Melrose flea market in the summer...maybe it was sitting in the sad reject pile because it edges up on possibly looking like something worn by an elementary school french teacher circa 1995, but I figured it might also go perfectly with some witchy autumn outfit just like this one, plus it's super soft. The maxi dress and the skirt layered overtop it are both H&M, the jewellery is all made my me or flea-marketed.

this is the part where i rant about body image

2011-10-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

Here's a shot of this sweet plaid jacket I've had forever that makes me excited about fall every time I pull it out of my closet. I think this is pretty much the outfit I wore for the first day back to school, though I can't quite remember now. The jacket was definitely involved. More or less everything here is thrifted...the tank top is F21 though I think, and the scarf, which is really just a piece of black jersey, oddly came from a gift bag.

Moving on, I wanted to write a little blurb on this topic, but it turned into what pretty much amounts to an essay, because clearly brevity is not my strong suit. So if you're interested, and have the patience, read on...if not, come back soon for more pretty photos!

I recently came across a photo that was circulating on facebook and it got me thinking... In the photo, an image of Marilyn Monroe was placed next to that of another woman whom I’m guessing is a model- tall, quite slim, wearing a bikini - though I didn’t recognize her. The accompanying text read “This [with an arrow pointing to Marilyn] is more attractive than this [with an arrow pointing to the other woman].” As someone who suffered from an eating disorder for the better part of a decade, I understand deeply some of the kinds of pain that can come with body image struggles. And I get the urge to uphold “curvier” figures as symbols of some more “true” or “real” ideal of femininity and female beauty (“real women have curves...” and all that jazz). I also think it’s so important for us to see diversity in the types of bodies represented in the media we consume.

Beauty ideals are narrow, discriminatory, aggressive, and suffocating. And they have very real effects on our lives, our identities, and our health. But they aren’t real. Meaning they aren’t something tangible that we can eventually become if only we work hard enough, punish ourselves enough, and buy enough stuff (even though that’s the story we’re sold.) We know the ideals aren’t real because no matter how close we may get to embodying them, we never really feel satisfied, we still feel flawed, we still criticize ourselves. And the more furiously we grasp at perfection, the harder it seems to achieve. Like chasing a mirage and getting there to discover it never really existed. Ideals are ghosts; phantasms carefully constructed to feed the needs of consumer culture. And even though I understand that the aim of the photo I saw on facebook was to make people whose bodies don’t fit those ideals feel beautiful and accepted, I think we step into very dangerous territory when our approach to the problem of oppressive beauty standards is to simply replace one ideal with another.

To declare definitively:THIS is more attractive than THIS, is not really getting at the core of the issue. Because thin bodies are NOT the problem. Fat bodies are not the problem. The problem is idealizing one particular, very limited, conception of what a beautiful body is, to the exclusion of all others. It doesn’t get us anywhere new to say: the standard of beauty is skinny bodies, therefore skinny bodies are problematic and what should really be considered beautiful is curves. What we need to say is: all bodies can be beautiful and sexy regardless of size, shape, age, race, gender, sex, ability...We do ourselves no favours, especially those of us who identify as women, when we decry “skinny girls” as the problem. Instead we should choose to embrace one another in all our diversities, and point the finger at the real problem: an oppressive structure of power that idealizes some and marginalizes others, that turns us against each other, and keeps us so desperate to embody the value we’re told is found only in beauty that we spend, and spend, and spend.

It often seems to me that the only normal, logical response to the culture we live in (not only the way it view bodies and beauty, but also our deeply broken food system) is self-hatred, anxiety, neuroses, disordered eating, compulsive behaviour and depression. It’s those rare folks who manage to find self-love and acceptance despite all the odds being stacked against them who really strike me as special and worthy of admiration. And I think we can all achieve that, but we need support and resources and open, honest dialogue.

Blogging can be an amazing tool for democratizing beauty and style, and one of my favourite things about fashion bloggers is the incredible diversity they represent. As well as the fact that bloggers are defining style and fashion for themselves, and making it about fun, experimentation, and self expression in a way that feels authentic to me, not just a rehash of some bland Seventeen magazine article about “expressing yourself through fashion!” So let’s support each other, and appreciate one another for the unique ways we are all beautiful, instead of competing and putting each other down. Marilyn Monroe was beautiful, but so is that model, and so is everyone else who doesn’t look anything like either one of them. Women have a hard enough time out there as it is, we need to be allies to one another, not enemies. Ok? Awesome.

cloaked

2011-10-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

I like to call this my wizard cloak. It has proven to be a very reliable bit of fabric for wrapping up in as evenings get chillier. And it somehow seems perfect for both sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a shack out in the Arizona desert making beaded turquoise jewellery and concocting potions, and for sunset walks in Toronto. I'm really in to it. Oh, and I'm not wearing any makeup in these shots. I don't know why I feel compelled to tell you all this...probably because I became suddenly self-conscious when I was looking at these pictures and thought to myself "why does my face look so....grey?" Ah, yes, that's apparently just what colour I am when the grey light hits my makeupless skin after a long day of classes. Ah well, that's real life for ya.

wizard cloak and hat - H&M. pants and tank - wilfred. shoes - TOMS.

aubergine

2011-10-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post of some shots of this lovely deep purple silk T.Babaton dress I picked up to wear to the Canadian Film Centre BBQ back during TIFF. It's so simple, but I love the colour and the little details like the drawstring waist, the shoulders and the subtle print. Not to mention the fabric feels amazing. I pulled it out again recently on a day that was so nice it might as well have still been summer. The hat is from H&M, the shoes are TOMS (obvs.)Triangle locket from my favourite jewellery store, Labour of Love in Cabbagetown in Toronto.

Tomorrow is my Honey's bday so we're off for a nice dinner with friends. Then heading to see his family and then mine for Thanksgiving (we do it early up here in Canada.) I am so looking forward to it, because, well, Thanksgiving is just great, isn't it? Rural Ontario in the fall is just incomparably beautiful, and I have so many good memories linked to the smells, food and feelings of Thanksgiving. We've had a lot of loss in my family in recent years, and this past year has been especially hard, but I'm so grateful for the family I still have, both by blood and the friends that have become family over time. I'm really looking forward to spending time with everyone and my heart will be with those who can't be with us. I hope everyone in Canada has a really nice Thanksgiving/long weekend!

we are nowhere and it's now

2011-09-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

You may have guessed by my absurdly long absence that school has started up again. I promise I will get back to at least weekly posting now that I've settled in and have resigned myself to the fact that my life will once again consist of constant reading, less sleep, more coffee, and a whole lot more time in transit. I have to say, I was feeling apprehensive about going back, but as soon as I got there all my anxieties seemed to ease themselves away, and I remembered how much I love what I'm doing. I love writing, and thinking, and talking about ideas, and being around other people who love those things too. I missed my school friends, and I missed feeling inspired in the way that school inspires me. I even missed the routine, and being told what to read (I can be pretty undisciplined...)

I'm not even minding the fact that the weather is cooling down...and there are already leaves changing colour and falling, as you can see in the pictures above! We're having a really gorgeous fall, and I want to take a ton of pictures before winter sets in!

Pretty much everything I'm wearing in these photos is vintage, except the bottom-layer skirt, and tank top which are both Talula.

wrapping up

2011-09-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

So it's happening. Summer is truly nearing an end. The days are getting cooler, the nights are really getting cooler, I think I've seen some leaves with the slightest tinge of red or orange at their tips, and I've started pulling jackets and sweaters out of the back of my closet. And wearing boots. I love Docs, I got my first pair for my sixteenth birthday; they were sixteen hole black ones, and I thought they were so badass, and punk-rock, and they made me feel tough and cool and protected my toes in many a mosh pit. I guess they've made a comeback in the past few years because I see them everywhere now. But I don't think I'll ever get sick of them. If you follow this blog you may get sick of seeing pictures of me wearing them though...consider this fair warning. The dress I'm wearing is from a really lovely girl who reworks vintage clothes and sells them at the Melrose Flea Market, her facebook page is here. I pretty much just love dressing exactly like I did in the seventh grade. 90's floral print, Docs, bicycle shorts, denim. Party time. Excellent.

I'm spending the long weekend in and around my hometown. Hanging out in the country is the best. Tomorrow there will be a big party that a good friend of mine from highschool throws every year on labour day weekend. There will be roasting of corn, and vollyeball, lots of good food and drink, a campfire, impromptu jam sessions, and so many amazing dear old friends, some I've known since elementary school. I think it will be the perfect end to an awesome summer. And then back to school on Wednesday, and Toronto Internation Film Festival festivities starting next week too! Happy long weekend everyone! xo

P.S. Please excuse the photo-bombing construction worker in the last photo, it was the only good one of the perfectly worn, super soft leather tote I got at the flea market in LA.

in preparation

2011-08-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to say I'm excited about fall...but, well, I'm a little bit excited about fall. I'm really not excited about winter. I'm sad to see summer go. But fall can be really nice. Fall clothes are especiallly nice, and I do love layering, and soft cozy sweaters, and boots. So, in preparation for all that, and because having to go back to school in just two short weeks is making fall seem even closer at hand...here are the kinds of things I want to be wrapping myself up in once the leaves start changing colour.

T-shirt, Wildfox. Cardigan, Winter Kate. Hat, Rag & Bone. Sunglasses, Miu Miu. Plaid pants, L.A.M.B. Leather jacket, Burberry Brit. Jeans, Textile Elizabeth & James. Shearling denim vest, vintage. Maxi Skirt, T by Alexander Wang. Engineer boots, Frye. Sweater, Wilfred. Shoes, The Row for TOMS. Ring, Pamela Love. Bag, Proenza Schouler.

moving forward...

2011-08-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't been writing much over the summer break. In fact, I've barely been writing at all. This year has presented me with some of the most difficult challenges I've ever faced, and I think once the intensity of the school year finally subsided, and it seemed like I might really have a break, I embraced summer laziness with all I had. It has been an amazing summer so far -- fun, and relaxing, and relatively easy, at least compared to the first part of the year. I think my lack of focus on writing has been partly because my relationship to it in the second term of school shifted in light of everything that was happening in my personal life, so it began to feel more like work than ever before. Things were so difficult that writing a poem or story for class lost a lot of the joy that that process once held for me, and really just became homework -- sometimes fun, challenging and surprising thanks to amazing profs and classmates, but also often tedious in the shadows of grief and loss. Once summer arrived I craved escapism, ease, and a getaway from too much thinking. I got lazy. And it's been nice. But I also think that because writing has always been deeply personal for me in terms of content, that I have shied away from it these past few months because I felt unable to spend too much time digging down into recent painful experiences in the way that kind of personal writing demands. But school is starting again soon, and I think I'd better get myself back into it, or the workload might come as a shock. I also want to try to move into some less personal writing, explore new subject matter, and challenge myself to move out of my writing-comfort-zone, meaning write about things other than my own personal experiences (something school has been great at helping me do.) So on that note here's a rough draft of a recent poem, it's still untitled....

She has both hands around his thin wristbones,

her thumb pressed into the soft hairless patch

of skin left in the place of a burn. He once soldered

a ring that was never meant to fit, and it hangs from

his neck on a chain, and makes noises like doorhinges

as he walks forwards, forwards, and away from her.

She has been dreaming of losing teeth, spitting out

mouthfulls of blood and bone into a white enamel

sink with the kiss of a rust stain circling the drain.

She is telling him of the tapwater, redenned like a

sunset, and of the faint sound of a radio playing

pop songs from her childhood, crackling repetitions

on the periphery of sleep. He stays silent. She wants to stare

up at the stars without blinking until all the points

of light blur together and the silence of the sky overtakes

the silence of his lips pressed closed. They walk into the woods...

if the woods were too-close skyscrapers

and branches were the shadows of burned-out lampposts

cast in the neon glow from the sign on an all-night diner.

She listens for birdcalls in the breaks in the traffic, but hears

only the far-away sound of young voices shrill and slurred

from drinking. She lingers several steps behind him,

running her tongue over her teeth, still planted firm in the

bone of her jaw, and waits for a question to appear

on her lips. Some simple string of words that will pull

him from himself, and make him stop, and turn, and answer.

OH! And, I have a Tumblr now! Like I need more reasons to stay stuck in front of a computer screen. But I realized I keep collecting all these amazing and inspiring photos, thinking that I will use them on this blog, but I'm starting to feel like this blog is really moving towards only having original content, which I kind of like. So from now on, this blog will be where all my original photos and words will live, and the Tumblr will be for inspiration photos. We'll see how that goes. I'm liking it so far. And for those of you who have been following for awhile, I know there aren't many of you, but I appreciate your patience and lovely, supportive comments, as I try to figure out what I want this blog to be and find my way in the blogging world.

THANKS! You blogger folks are the best!

L.A. photo-diary part two

2011-08-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Cowboy boots at the Melrose flea market. Manhattan beach. Getting snap-happy in the car. Cacti in Venice. Garden outside the Street Art exhibit at the Moca. Unbelievably amazing meal at Gjelina in Venice. Bee in lavender. Manhattan again. Somewhere between Santa Monica and Malibu. I like turquoise. Homeward bound.

L.A. photo-diary part one

2011-08-07T11:30:00.000-07:00

Waiting in the aiport for our 3-hour delayed flight. Hello there City of Angels, it's been too long. On our way home, happy to have just missed Carmageddon. Flowers in the backyard. Venice Beach. Seashells in one of my favourite stores on Abbott-Kinney. Aviators and an off-the-shoulder t-shirt. Lunch at delicious vegan/macro spot SEED in Venice. Loose, amorphous knit from Skylark that I literally LIVED in while in L.A. There's 5 dolla Barefoot in that bag! Pink sky in the Valley. Intelligentsia iced green tea. KATSUYA! Yummy gelato (thanks to the lovely Miss D.R.W. for the shot). Hollywood at night/Miles' star. Driving, driving, lots of driving. Don Cuco's! Round sunnies and a fedora. Lucky, Aaron's brother and his fiance's adorable, sweet pup.

snakelike

2011-08-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

Here are some shots of what I wore to dinner at Katsuya on Saturday night, one of my favourite restaurants, not just in LA, but anywhere, ever, in the history of life. So insanely good. Whenever I'm craving Japanese food, I'm really just craving Katsuya, and am inevitably disappointed when what I'm having doesn't measure up. Omi in Toronto comes pretty close, but nothing can really beat Katsuya when it comes to sushi for me.

The snakeskin print top I got at Skylark in Venice Beach (I always find things I love there and it's quite reasonably priced), the shorts are Talula. My hair is in lazy-mode and the jewellery is the same stuff I always wear and you're probably bored of hearing about it, and seeing it for that matter, I'll try to start changing it up. Today we're going to go into Hollywood for some lunch and shopping, then tomorrow we're off to the beach again. Swimming in the ocean probably makes me happier than any other activity, so I'm pretty insanely excited. I'd still like to hit up the Street Art exhibit at the MOCA before we leave, and hopefully go back to Venice at some point. I can't believe our trip is already half way over...

violet haze

2011-07-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

LA has been awesome so far. Backyard barbeques and riding bikes on the beach, wandering around (and shopping!) in Venice, and amazing weather. It's funny to come from Toronto to LA and it's actually cooler down here. Sunny but breezy and no sign of the overwhelming, humid, strangling heat we were having up in T.O. I had been thinking of putting some bits of purple in my hair for awhile, and the beachy, fun, laid-back style here inspired me to finally take the plunge. After a very misguided attempt to do it myself (like I didn't learn my lesson in highschool about home-dyeing) I smartened up and had it done by Emily at Memo in North Hollywood. That woman is a freaking goddess, I have to say. Just a lovely person, and I'm really happy with how it turned out. Tonight we're headed to one of my FAVOURITE restaurants EVER, Katsuya, and tomorrow we're hitting up the Flea Market, where I fully intend to spend as much time as I possibly can. Maximum Flea Market.

summerlove

2011-07-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

So we're heading off to LA tomorrow morning, in fact, we have to be up in 5 and a half hours to go to the airport so I'll keep this short. Before this blog becomes overrun with photos from California I thought I'd post a bunch of random shots from our summer in Toronto so far. It's been wonderful. The weather has been amazing, and Aaron and I have been in the same place for the whole summer so far (such a novelty for us!) As you can tell by these photos we've spent a lot of our time together sitting in parks and eating food. Two activities made much more enjoyable by the sun.

Cali here we come!!!
xo

(For even more frequent updates from our trip you can follow me on TWITTER)

P.S. Thanks to our beautiful friend Jessica for snapping the photos of Aaron and I together.

P.P.S. If anyone can give me tips on how to get the smaller photos (the ones that are two side-by-side) to line up perfectly with the larger ones, it would be super hugely appreciated (as you can see they're just a few millimeters off, and no amount of messing around seemed to be able to fix it...I don't know how to write the html for it, and moving them around in the "compose" window didn't work and turned the code into an indecipherable - to me - mess.)

sand in my hair

2011-07-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

I've lived in Toronto for six years now, and though I never would have imagined myself saying this at sixteen when the city seemed like the answer to every question I had, I often long to move back to the country. I spent a lot of my childhood in a farmhouse on the outskirts of the small(ish) town where I grew up, and the longer I stay in this place where everything is bright and fast and you can't really see the stars at night, the more I find myself wanting the slowness of the country and missing the smell of things growing everywhere and easy access to clean lakes to swim in.

However, if there is anything that can make me remember why I loved this city to begin with, it's summer. And despite the grotesquely oppressive heat we've been experiencing (I've never been so happy to live in a condo building with AC in my life) I've really been enjoying exploring lately, walking to new parts of the city without much of a plan, discovering new restaurants (hello there El Trompo and your badass tacos, how did I miss you before?) and new neighbourhoods. We've gone down to The Beaches a few times recently, an area I never explored much before, most recently we went for a friend's going away party and sat out on the porch drinking wine and munching on BBQed deliciousness with an awesome view of the water. Aaron and I walked down the beach to snap some photos, and I could hardly believe it was my city. I'm wearing the vintage Levi's cut-offs that I live in, and an old top from H&M that was perfectly sheer and breezy for this crazy hot weather. The top is also the kind of thing I imagine myself wearing when I become the eccentric old lady that I hope to be, dressed in flowery flowy things and piles and piles of silver and turquoise jewellery, making weird art, and drinking mojitos in the afternoon on my flower-covered porch. Speaking of awesome old ladies, I just found this blog, which I take it has been around for awhile, but I think it's fantastic! And watching the videos is so fun and inspiring too!

Anyway, lovely as it is down by the beach here, the Pacific Ocean it's not...BUT...LA in 7 days!!!

basics

2011-07-16T15:43:00.000-07:00

Bulldog Iced Americano.
White nails that remind me of painting them with white-out in elementary school.

Shorts, American Eagle; T-Shirt, Alternative Apparel; Belt and sunglasses, Vintage; Earrings, DIY.

New bras, Aerie and Wilfred.

M.A.C Strobe Cream and shadows in Satin Taupe, Smut and Tempting.

sundown

2011-07-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

Wow, I've been away from here awhile...But now I'm back, and also the proud owner of a brand new Canon T3i! Yay new camera! I couldn't possibly be more excited, it's barely left my hands! Here are a few shots we took the first day I got it. I'm wearing a re-worked vintage dress from Purrr LA. I hope you're LOVING your summer as much as I am if you're in this half of the world. Much more frequent posts to come VERY soon! And we're off to LA in 10 days so expect lots of Cali-inspired photographic awesomeness as well. XO

oh yoko

2011-06-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

Vintage floral maxi skirt. John&Yoko t-shirt from Kensington Market. Hat from Aldo.

TwitterTwitterTwitter

remember the time you drove all night, just to meet me in the morning

2011-06-17T19:04:00.000-07:00

Buddha and philosophy. Fortune cookie fortune my little sister gave me. The ring Aaron gave me for our anniversary. Shells my Dad brought back for me from Oman. Ocean-coloured nails. Most recent vintage/thrift finds (I went to Kensington Market yesterday with no plan to shop and found so much great stuff, all for less than 50 bucks!) Some new jewellery.

Follow me on Twitter HERE!
xo
ZK

three

2011-06-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

On June 6th Aaron and I celebrated our three-year anniversary! Yay! We went out to Toronto Island, which is a little island (or group of islands?) just a short ferry ride from the city. If you live around here and you've never been, it's really worth checking out. It's surreal how far away from the city it feels. The whole place is full of quirky little cottages, and narrow tree-canopied roads (which aren't really roads at all because there aren't cars), and there are also beaches and boats, a few really cute restaurants, and you can rent bikes! Aaron and I went out to the island on one of our very first dates and I think it was probably the best date I've ever been on. And now, three years later, here we are...It hasn't been an easy three years, we've spent a lot of time away from each other, and long-distance is a real challenge. But I am grateful for every day of it. I am really lucky to have someone so kind, attentive, patient, and unfalteringly supportive in my life. He is an outstanding human being, an excellent partner, and a great friend, and I love him a whole lot.

OH! And I have Twitter now, so I really feel like I'm part of the future/weirdly futuristic present. Follow me HERE!!!

approximate sunlight

2011-06-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

You know when you suddenly remember about an article of clothing that you love but had forgotten? That happened to me this morning with this rad vintage t-shirt that has an image of some amazing paperback-fantasy-novel-heroine slaying a dragon. It looks like it should be the cover of a record full of 8-minute long metal ballads. And, I found it in the first place I looked (jammed into a suitcase in the back of my closet...go figure) so that was exciting. Just to change things up I didn't wear it with denim shorts. Oh, and my hair was pretty gross today, thus the pictures of me not-so-subtly trying to hide it by holding it back.

so, here's the thing...

2011-06-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

I don't really know anything about fashion...Ok, I guess that's not entirely true, I've picked up things here and there, from magazines, the internet, guilty-pleasure TV-watching (ANTM and Project Runway). But, there are things I know a fair amount about (cultural and feminist theory for example, contemporary Canadian poetry, how to spell properly) and fashion is certainly not one of them. However, I do like to shop, I know what I like in terms of style, I frequently get VERY excited about clothes and accessories, and I love reading fashion blogs. I love them because of the democratizing effect they seem to be having on fashion, because they make fashion feel more accessible, diverse, and full of possibility. But mostly I love them because of the way the really great ones manage to create a visual narrative, not just through the clothes but through the blogger's general aesthetic, their location, and their interests. The clothes are part of something bigger that gives me a picture of who someone is, and tells a story about their life, their experiences, their tastes and the way they see the world. And I find that so fascinating and inspiring (I think it's the writer in me, but then again, I chalk up all my voyeuristic tendencies to being a writer.) The thing is that when I visit blogs or read comments and people are talking about what makes great style, about designer influences, the history of fashion, and about what's on-trend and what's played out, I realize that I am way out of my league. All of that is to say, that I am not, by any definition you could come up with, a fashion or style expert. Which means that I still dress in my 20's basically the same as I did in the 9th grade (as evidenced by my winter uniform of denim cut-offs, tights, and Doc Marten's), I frequently forget to wash my hair, I don't own very many pairs of shoes, and I wear the same things over and over. This blog is not a fashion blog (I think that's probably pretty obvious, but I figured it was worth saying anyway.) It is a place for me to escape the critical-thinking of academia, and the more mundane parts of my daily life. It is a place for me to share the things that I find exciting and inspiring, and sometimes that's clothing or jewellery, sometimes it's images I find on the internet, or photographs I take of things I think are beautiful, interesting, or otherwise worth capturing for whatever reason, sometimes it will be poems or bits of stories. Sometimes I will blog about style, but I would never propose to talk about what is objectively stylish (is there such a thing?) or even what is trendy, or cool. I will just blog about the things that make me smile, or think, or remember, or want to make something.

I just thought I would put that out there, so as not to mislead anyone.

And if you managed to make it through all of that...the above are some photos from last week when Aaron and I went to visit some very dear friends who recently moved out the country, close to where we all grew up. After a delicious breakfast of homemade waffles, and hanging out by the lake, they took us to this awesome BBQ place where we had pulled pork and ribs, and it really finally felt like summer.

combat baby

2011-06-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

Vintage army jacket and Levi's cutoffs, Talula tank top, no makeup. Aaron doing his best smolder.

i can feel it in my bones

2011-05-29T16:04:00.000-07:00

Did a few very minor tweaks to the layout to make it a little more streamlined. I'm still trying to figure out all this code stuff and it takes me about a thousand hours to make even the smallest changes (you probably can't even tell what I did to the blog, but let me tell you, it took ages, and there was a lot of grumbling.) I'm slow but getting better. Slowly. Here are some shots of me in the park in a Talula skull tank I've worn to death.

shades of...

2011-05-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

New crystals to be made into jewelry. Crazy sky. Saved from the first bouquet Aaron bought me.

Tarot cards. Tie-dyed scarf from Mexico.

the geometry of it

2011-05-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

1,2,7,9,10,11 - paitings by an extraodinarily brilliant friend of mine who can be found in these places: feedyaneck, steppenwill flickr stream, wallddizzy

The rest via manda knows best

hello, sunshine

2011-05-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

Today Aaron and I took a walk down to the St. Lawrence Market to buy some stuff for dinner tonight, and the sun finally graced us with her presence after several days of rain and gloom. Hurrah! Outfit includes H&M printed dress, flea-marketed jewelry, and a straw hat of Aaron's I seem to have appropriated. Happy Thursday!

signs

2011-05-19T12:44:00.000-07:00

Stunning photography by Antonella Arismendi

milla

2011-05-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

Milla Jovovich in Dazed and Confused. What a babe.

crystal magick

2011-05-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

(some jewelry I made recently)

rainy

2011-05-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

It's been grey and rainy the past couple of days, and Aaron is out of town, so I've been laying low, living in this super comfy, soft, oversized Wilfred top. It is one of the best things I own, not very exciting, but I wear it constantly, because it just feels so good, and is the perfect thing for when I'm craving coziness. I've mostly just been listening to the CBC, doing a bit of cleaning, some cooking, reading, and a bit of crafting. It's kind of hard to see in the photo, but I put some clasps on some of my friendship bracelets. I got a few in Mexico and because the threads they were made with were a little shiny, they didn't like to stay tied together, and the loose strings were bugging me. So I just attached some clasps, and now they stay together much easier. Although maybe it kind of goes against the ethos of the friendship bracelet, since you're not supposed to take them off...oh well.

denim on denim

2011-05-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

incantation

2011-05-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

1-9 via the best tumblr EVER Cosmic Dust. 10-12 via Bloom

mayflower

2011-05-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

There were several times throughout April, and probably even March, when I proclaimed "I think it's safe for me to put away my winter coat!" or something similarly filled with naive hope that winter might actually, finally, mercifully, be over. And there were several times I promptly ate my words, bundled up and headed out, grumbling and whining like a small child, into springtime snow, slush, wind, rain, general misery etc. But when I returned from Montreal to find that not only are the trees in the park across the street from where we live already covered in those bright green baby leaves, but there are ACTUAL FLOWERS blooming, I finally felt like, OK, this is it, winter is really, really gone. So here I am being happy in the sun and dressed all spring-like in the skirt I got in Montreal, and various other thrifted or H&M-sourced things, including some jewelry from the Fairfax Flea Market.

Also, I freaking LOVE kombucha. And I am soooooo happy that they finally have GT's in Canada, because it is by far the BEST, in my kombucha-addicted opinion, and I've tried lots of them. So there's that too. HAPPY SPRING!

montreal photo diary part deux

2011-05-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

Happily, the sun came out for the second part of my Montreal visit. The spring-y-est days I've seen so far this year for sure. Sadly, Aaron had to go back to Toronto for work, and couldn't enjoy the sunshine with me. But things were still good. I relocated from the hotel we were staying at to my amazing friend Nikki's amazing apartment (awesome decor, more photos to come.) Nikki and I have known each other since the THIRD GRADE, and she is one of my oldest and bestest friends, as well as one of the sassiest, smartest, most creative people I know. Also, very stylish (check out the super cute vintage 70's dress with the butterfly-wing-sleeves that she altered.) We also hung out with my friend Johanna, another dear friend I've known since elementary school who is super rad. The days were sunny, and I pretended it was warmer than it was by insisting on wearing all the spring clothes I packed, which meant I was generally always underdressed but happy nonetheless. I did some thrifting and purchased a hilarious oversized white button-down shirt which is very 90's, and a brown maxi skirt which is very pioneer village. There was also dancing, board-gaming, cooking, wine-drinking and so much talking.

ALSO, me and Nikki got TATTOOS! We got matching genie lamp tattoos in honour of our friendship, and our devotion to our most favourite YA writer, the unparalleled Francesca Lia Block (the lamp is a symbol from her series of books Dangerous Angels.) Francesca has inspired in us years of creativity, magic, love and friendship. Her books still pull at my heart the same way they did when I was 14. I hope for all the girls in the world to have something that inspiring and fortifying to help them believe in themselves and guide them out of the dark spots of adolescence. It is so good to read stories that speak truthfully about being a teenager, being a girl, and the pain that comes with those things. But are also uplifting and fun and make you believe that magic is real. And make you want to do things like have dance parties and write and swim in the ocean and cook delicious food for your friends and wear crazy outfits while moshing to punk rock music, instead of just being sad or hurting yourself. We adore you FLB!!!

"Maybe genies are what love would be if love walked and talked and lived in a lamp."

"The wishes might not always come true the way you think they will, not everything will be perfect, but love will come because it always does, because why else would it exist, and it will make everything hurt a little less. You just have to believe in yourself. Look your demons right in the eye."

montreal photo diary pt. 1

2011-05-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

We decided to take a little trip to Montreal to visit friends because Aaron has some time off work, and I had some time in between scrambling to finish end-of-term papers. Unfortunately it's been raining most of the time we've been here so far, but we're making the most of it. Lots of yummy food and sweet hangs with old friends. Thanks to Aaron who has been oh-so-patiently snapping photos for me! (And posing for them too! Isn't he handsome?) Plans for the next few days include sight-seeing, vintage shopping, more eating, dance-partying and hopefully some better weather! More photos to come soon.

stripes and a celebration

2011-04-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

On Thursday night we celebrated my most wonderful mother's 50th Birthday! (She doesn't look a day over 35 does she?) My mum is the most amazing, inspiring woman I know, and I am so grateful for all her unfaltering love and support. She has stood by me and my siblings (she is a mother of four!) through the toughest of times, and had to bear a tremendous amount of hardship, but she has always done it with grace, dignity, incredible compassion, and integrity. And she's wicked smart and drop-dead gorgeous to boot! I am so happy to have been able to celebrate her 50th with her! We had such an amazing time. There was delicious food, drinks, and great music, and everyone had a blast. Here are some shots of what I wore that night (including a top/dress from H&M my boyfriend lovingly refers to as "the zebra sack") and necklace I made (which had a feather on it that sadly fell off). Also some photos of me and my lovely mum!

a little dark

2011-04-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

Adenocarcinoma

The night you drank 40 ounces

of malt liquor sitting on the dock

while the sun set, and hours passed

behind your back, so by the time

you stood again your knees

shook and buckled, and you were

surprised to find yourself drunk.

You add it now to lists of what

you could have done differently,

or appreciated more.

But I was with you then too,

when you collapsed back against the

damp wood and listened to the thrum

of water hitting shore. The stars pitched

and blurred, and all the while

you were thinking,

I could die now,

but you didn’t.

You lived so I could grow out

from these glands, and push forward

through soft layers of cells,

with no regard for order, or the

careful uniformity of bodily

structures. Through the bloodstream

and intestinal wall. Now liver, now

lung, now bone. And so on, because

stasis bears no meaning to me.

You woke the next morning to the

smell of your own vomit, and all

around was a shrill symphony

of birdsounds. And you lived,

to bear witness

to a different kind of death.

a spell for summer

2011-04-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

1-6 stunning photography by Harper Smith, 7-9 Spanish Moss, 10-11 American Gold (I want literally EVERYTHING from their s/s11 collection!), 12 Charlottte Free via models.com, 13 Something Else, 14-15 Weetzie Bat shoot for Wildfox, 15 Planet Blue, 17-18 via the Wildfox Blog, 19-20 David Hamilton's Demoiselles

signs of spring

2011-04-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

tulips on my coffee table, MAC lipsticks in shades of pink, latest H&M haul, flowery headband.

Happy Easter! xoxo ZK

riviera maya

2011-04-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

Some photos from my recent trip to the Mayan Riviera. Most of them were taken in Puerto Morelos, some are at the resort, and some from Playa Del Carmen. Also, a few shots of some of the trinkets I brought back with me. <3

pursed

2011-04-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

Remember when Nylon used to have that feature at the back of every issue that was just the contents of a purse spread out? Do they still do that? I don't read magazines so much anymore. Anyway, I always thought that was cool, in a weird voyeuristic way (which I guess is maybe also why I like reading blogs?) even though I knew it wasn't a real person's purse-contents. Today I was switching bags and had all this stuff scattered out on my bed, and snapped a few shots. Stuff includes: Diana+ Dreamer camera, MAC blush in Peachykeen, Rimmel Sexy Curves mascara, MAC Studio Fix, MAC lipstick in See Sheer, Kiehl's lipbalm which I stole from my BF (sorry honey), mini Glysomed hand cream, GAP Dream (I recently bought this because I was in the store, smelled it, and was immediately transported back in time 10 years), mini Moleskine, Pigma Micron pen (best best best), Marc By Marc Jacobs wallet, and some random accessories. The blue embroidered bag I bought either somewhere in Kensington Market or at the Fairfax flea market in LA, I can't remember which though...maybe it'll come to me...

lighten up

2011-04-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

So I jumped on the ombre bandwagon. I've never consciously paid much attention to "hair trends"; for years I sported a variety of short styles, and I guess perhaps they were "trendy" in their own way, but more punkrock (or something) than hollywood. Some were pretty cool, others, in retrospect, make me cringe (hello there, highschool baby bangs and Manic Panic misadventures.) But I felt like it was time for a bit of a change, as I haven't done much colour-wise with my hair since I started growing it out three years ago, and I thought it would be nice to go lighter for summer. This seemed like a good option, partly because I just like the way it looks kind of beachy, and also because I really am low maintenance when it comes to my hair, and can barely remember to wash it often enough (believe me, just ask the BF) let alone get my roots touched up every 6 weeks. I went to Parlour at Queen and Ossington in Toronto, and had Charlotte do the cut (just a trim pretty much, but she really brought out the natural wave), and Suzzi took care of the colour. They were both totally lovely, personable, professional, and it was a great experience overall. I'm actually surprised with how light Suzzi was able to get my ends (it's lighter than it looks in these pictures), considering the build up of dark brown and auburn dye that was piled on there, but she took her time and I'm really happy with how it turned out, although I still think I may go back in a month or so and get it lightened up even more. I really recommend checking out Parlour if you're in T.O. Oh, and the bottom shot is just a little necklace I made today out of a stone and some wire. I made the larger crystal one as well, which you can't really see, but I'll be posting some better pictures of jewelry I've been making recently in the next week or so.

justine brooks

2011-04-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

Amazing jewelry by Vancouver-based designer Justine Brooks. I stumbled across some of her pieces at Labour of Love (a really great store in Toronto that sells beautiful, unique jewelry) and fell in love with the sea urchin ring. All these pieces are cast from organic, natural materials. So rad.

braided

2011-04-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

A little braided leather+feather bracelet I made at Craft Night (also known as: me and two girlfriends get together and drink wine and sometimes make things and sometimes don't) recently. More handmade stuff to come soon (sparkly crystals and chains galore!)

ilovepalmsprings

2011-04-18T19:57:00.000-07:00

Looking through all the great Coachella pictures that are all over blogs right now, and generally longing for summer to just-get-here-already, has made me think about Palm Springs a lot. Here are some photos from when me and my Honey were there last summer.

it's _______ in the desert

2011-04-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

1-3 from the current LF Stores lookbook (the first time I went into their store on Larchmont in LA, I thought - if I could only shop at one store until I died, this would be it. ) 4-7 via Harper's Bazaar. 8-15 via Refinery 29. Looking through all style shots from Coachella makes me really wish I had been there (next year!) but it also makes me miss California, and Palm Springs specifically. So glad summer is just around the corner!

the craft

2011-04-17T18:36:00.000-07:00

2, 3 and 6 via ilovewildfox. 4 and 5 www.felicefawn.com. 7, Stylestalker Runaways dress (want.) 8, PJ Harvey from Spin Magazine, 1993. All others from the 1996 movie The Craft.

into the fog....

2010-10-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

"Autumn came. The stepmother gave evening work to all three maidens: the oldest had to make lace, the second had to knit stockings, and Vasilisa had to spin; and each one had to finish her task. The stepmother put out the lights all over the house, leaving only one candle in the room where the girls worked, and went to bed. The girls worked. The candle began to smoke; one of the stepsisters took up a scissors to trim it, but instead, following her mother's order, she snuffed it out, as though inadvertently. "What shall we do now?" said the girls, "There is no light in the house and our tasks are not finished. Someone must run to Baba Yaga and get some light." "The pins on my lace give me light," said the one who was making lace, "I shall not go." "I shall not go either, " said the one who was knitting stockings, "my knitting needles give me light." "Then you must go," both of them cried to their stepsister. "Go to Baba Yaga!" And they pushed Vasilisa out of the room. She went into her own little room, put the supper she had prepared before her doll, and said: "now dolly, eat, and aid me in my need. They are sending me to Baba Yaga for a light and she will eat me up." The doll ate the supper and its eyes gleamed like two candles. "Fear not, Vasilishushka," it said. "Go where you are sent, only keep me with you all the time. With me you your pocket you will suffer no harm from Baba Yaga." Vasilisa made ready, put her doll in her pocket, and, having made the sign of the cross, went into the deep forest..."

{excerpt from Vasilisa The Beautiful, taken from Russian Fairy Tales: collected by Alexsandr Afanas'ev, translated by Norbert Guterman}

someone else's memories

2010-10-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

i dream of ghosts...

2010-10-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

they live behind my eyelids

casting shadows when i wake

a patchwork of memories

and things invented

to fill the blanks...

to market, to market

2010-09-28T15:50:00.000-07:00

{fairfax fleamarket}

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more space between than within

2010-09-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

hollywood in lomo

2010-09-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

{taken with my lovely new mint green Diana}

in gratitude

2010-08-09T22:37:00.000-07:00

Most of the time it feels like there are whole worlds unfolding inside of me. Stretching out from themselves, multiplying, expanding infinitely like an object in a room of mirrors, or some piece of space that stretches forever and farther into something there are no words for. My chest is full of memories I cannot see but feel; aching and pulling or beating joyfully against my ribcage, echoing like drums, ringing like bells. There are dream worlds that are mazes of forests with underground passages leading to houses that seem to have an endless number of rooms and secret tunnels. That have unending, winding staircases going up, up, then suddenly down. There are hallways like museums, glass elevators, and trees that grow through walls. In some of the rooms there are feathers and roses hanging on invisible strings from the ceiling, and silk wallpaper that changes colour when you smile. Some of the rooms are filled with rusted metal things, rotting wood, and have floors made of dirt and crushed bone. Somewhere there is a room with an apple orchard in it. Somewhere there is a room with crayon drawings on the wall. Somewhere there is a door I can open that will lead me to the ocean when the dreams get too scary and I want to make them stop. Most of the time all of this is blooming beneath the too-thin layer of skin and bone and blood that is supposed to keep me safe. But sometimes all of these worlds - the worlds of memories, the worlds of dreams, the worlds of feelings that keep me reaching for words and failing - cannot be contained, and they spill out of me through my eyes and mouth, and through my hands that begin grasping and pulling and scratching at things that aren’t there. Sometimes they take up too much space, filling my lungs so I can’t breathe, squeezing my heart so it beats faster, pushing the salt water from my dream ocean up and out from beneath my eyelashes. I have spent years trying to make sense of this, madly moving my fingers, hoping that eventually the words will come, and something in me will quiet and slow, and I will put myself together like a puzzle and all of me will suddenly make sense. But there aren’t enough words. For a long time I waited for someone who could look into my tears, or the lines on the palms of my hands, or the scars on my skin, or the bruises on my knees, and see all of those worlds. Someone who would touch a finger to my tears, place it on their lips and say this tastes like the smell of rain on a dirt road in summer, and lilac petals crushed beneath bare feet. I waited for someone who could make meaning from what I could not. I think some of us wait and wait for someone who can see some part we cannot express - the dreams that come in flashes, the memories that do not make a story, the feelings that keep our bodies shaking but our mouths shut. Sometimes we think we have found that person, usually it is someone new, and we paint them blank and put mirrors in their eye sockets and we believe for awhile that they will see some truth in us that we can only guess at ourselves - the fear, the pain, the damaged heart, the child that still lives curled up beneath our bones. But that is not real life. In real life we misunderstand each other, we try, and we hope, and we listen, but in the end we can only imagine what others hold within them. We are all alone with the worlds inside of us, and maybe the best and most meaningful thing is just to find someone who will hold you when it all begins to overflow. Who will sit patient and hear you as you fight to find a way to say the things that are beyond saying. Someone who will show care and compassion even when they do not understand, who will bring you back down to grounded when your mind becomes untethered, and who will wipe your eyes clear when you can no longer see outside of yourself. I think that we can probably never really understand one another, but we can be there for each other through confusion and unrest, we can find glimmers of commonality, shared experience, and love, and use that to push through, so that hopefully we don’t drown in ourselves.

on collecting meanings

2010-05-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

"At dinner that night, Witch Baby looked up at the globe lamp in the center of the table. Suddenly, as if a genie had touched it, the lamp bloomed with jungles and forests, fields and gardens, became shining and restless with oceans and rivers, burned with fires, volcanoes and radiation, sparkled with deserts, beaches and cities, danced with bodies at work in factories and on farms, bodies in worship, playing music, loving, dying in the streets, flesh of many colors on infinite varieties of the same form of bones. And there - so tiny - Witch Baby saw their city.

This is the time we're upon.

[...]

Witch Baby saw that her own sadness was only a small piece of the puzzle of pain that made up the globe. But she was a part of the globe - she had her place. And there was a lot of happiness as well, a lot of love - so much that maybe, from somewhere, far away in the universe, the cottage shone like someone's globe lamp..." - from Witch Baby by Francesca Lia Block

courage, my love

2010-05-19T13:08:00.000-07:00

She is six years old and every colour of the rainbow. She wears pink and green striped rubber boots, a dress that is aqua and purple and gold with dangling fringe and little mirrors stitched around the hem, yellow and green glittery bracelets that are too big for her tiny wrists, little pink plastic barrettes in her wild hair and silver star stickers on her face. She sits on the curb in Kensington Market spitting watermelon seeds into the street and watching dresses dance in the trees. Flags flutter in the wind, flags that are prayers or promises, cut-out lace and neon plastic. A bubble machine blows spheres of clear, bright light into the street, floating over her head, and she sees a pair of small iridescent wings flickering over the pots of flowers and herbs on sale outside the store on the corner - maybe they belong to a butterfly, but she thinks they are probably growing from the back of a fairy with pink cotton-candy hair and tiny fingernails like the seeds of a strawberry.

At sixteen she sits on the patio of the coffee shop smoking cigarettes, drinking black coffee and writing poetry. My heart is locked in these four blocks. She watches boys with shaved heads and tattoos painting murals on the walls with spray cans, or strumming guitars on the corner as they take sips from bottles wrapped in paper bags. She looks into the eyes of strangers, searching for stories and writes until her hands are stained and her wrists ache. At night the stores pull bars down over their windows, the fruit stands pack away their crates of berries and mangoes, and the dresses are taken down from the trees and the racks on the sidewalks. The streets smell like dead fish and garbage in the humid heat of summer, even after the sun goes down. She dresses herself in combat boots and ripped denim, flowery skirts and a leather jacket, and runs through the streets of the market, drunk on beer and freedom. Everywhere is darkness and light, all at once, spun in circles, painted over the crumbling brick walls and cracked windows, in the gutters and alleyways, drawn like tattoos on her skin.

She is twenty six, and doesn’t visit the market as much anymore. She has lived enough life that the world doesn’t feel as safe as it used to. She forgets to look for colour in the streets of the city, and the thrill of night has faded so that now when the sun goes down she mostly sees only the absence of light. But every once in awhile she visits the place where she sat as a child watching bubbles pop against the bright fabric of lacy skirts that looked like they were hanging from the sky. She walks through the streets, still looking for stories, re-tracing the paths she ran in her rain boots at six, in her combat boots at sixteen, listening to the music that bounces off the store fronts - the reggae that pumps from a boombox on the sidewalk, the mariachi band outside the empanada place, the boys with their guitars on the stoop of the record shop. The air smells like Nag Champa incense, Jamaican beef patties and roasting coffee beans. She walks by the clothing stores with scarves in the windows and flags bouncing bits of sun back up to the clouds, reaching out to touch a flower-print summer dress, the silk cool against her fingers. And as she approaches the fruit stand selling blueberries and calla lilies, she thinks she sees a tiny pair of glowing wings, flitting back and forth through the potted plants, and they seem to reflect every colour of the rainbow, all the darkness and light, and all of the stories collected from this place that she still holds in her eyes and her heart.

homecoming

2010-05-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

There have been days and days of distance. Stitched together like a scarf that wraps me head to toe - just my eyes peeking through, and sometimes barely able to take a breath, or move my hands, and sometimes even unable to see clearly. Sometimes unable to see through the layers of days that wind themselves in circles around my body. Sunrises and moonrises and days getting shorter and then longer. I have watched the seasons change through the windows, high up on the sixteenth floor. Snow folding itself into rain, grey pressing down on me, pulling at my insides, aching in the marrow of my bones. But I could feel the sun coming - first licking at the waves of the Pacific Ocean, far far away, bleaching out the tips of your curls and lighting up your eyelashes. Then eastward, eastward, across the continent to press itself against my lips in your absence, in anticipation of your arrival. We are always counting - weeks, days, hours. Counting forwards and backwards, memories and kisses, phone calls and futures. But you are like summer - I will stand, teeth clenched against cold, my heart insulated with knowing that if we stay sturdy and push through just a few more weeks of snow, that the sun will come and we can unwrap ourselves again.

pitter pat

2010-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

pieces of palm springs

2010-05-06T12:05:00.000-07:00

It was overcast in Los Angeles, and had been grey for days, so we drove East trying to find the sun. The desert was hot and dry and monochromatic. All the colours were shades of the same: the plants and mountains, even the houses, all looked like they had been put there at once, designed to match. Piles of sharp red-brown rock loomed above everything, drawing jagged lines against the bright blue sky, and in the town where we stayed swimming pools glistened in the backyards of stucco bungalows like the sky had shattered and fallen to earth in pieces. Driving in through the mountains I stared out the window at the hundreds of white windmills spinning around and around on either side of the highway and felt like we were speeding into another planet.

The hotel was the same reddish-brown colour as the mountains with a slanted terra cotta roof and furniture from the 1950’s and Frank Sinatra on repeat. All around were tall palm trees and cacti that looked like something from another time or place - prehistoric, post-apocalyptic. We drank margaritas from frosted plastic cups while we dangled our feet in the pool and talked about how lucky we are, swimming when we started to sweat too much. It was so hot that the water dried on our skin in seconds when we got out. At night we drank too much tequila and took walks through the streets laughing at the strange art in store windows - neon blue lizards and oversized frogs, statues of mermaids with green hair and big eyes. We kissed in our air-conditioned hotel room until our skin felt hot again, and your eyes looked bluer in that place where it never gets cold, and when I tasted the salt on your skin I could feel my heart swell...

flea market finds

2010-04-15T17:02:00.000-07:00

Large pendants (made from recycled bullet casings) and old photos from the Fairfax flea market in LA. Map of LA, published 1947, from the Rose Bowl Flea Market in Pasadena.

"maybe genies are what love would be if love walked and talked and lived in a lamp..."

2010-04-13T17:22:00.000-07:00

Handmade polaroid collages mine. Quotes from the work of the brilliant Ms. Francesca Lia Block

The other polaroids I took at Venice Beach, the old black and white photo was found at the Rose Bowl Flea Market.

hide and seek

2010-04-12T14:48:00.000-07:00